Progress

I have been trying to be patient in hearing from the agency since we filed our pre-application for adoption. I checked my email this morning and was a little sad to see there was nothing there. The day continued and I checked in a few more times and finally thought, "ok, it won't be today." Maybe God was already trying to teach me something about patience. I decided to check one more time before I made supper and there it was. The email I had been waiting for. I opened it up and began reading.

"Hi Laura, we just wanted to let you know we reviewed your pre-application and you have been approved." My thought was, "Great! One step down." Then I read the next line and my heart sank a little.

"Through our review, we only noticed one item of concern......."

Great. We just began and there is already a concern.

"Our only concern at this time is that you are already parenting two biological children. The only reason this causes concern is because it could lengthen your wait time. Most mothers we work with are looking to place their children with childless couples."

I'm not going to lie. I felt a little defeated before we even began. We already have something going against us that could potentially turn birth mothers away from us. That wasn't a good feeling.

Then her next line came.

"We don't want to discourage you from pursuing adoption, we just want to be very transparent about the time it could potentially take. We also know we can't predict the future or what plans the Lord has for your family."

This, friends, is the line I need to be focusing on. We don't know what the future holds. It could take six months, it could take four years, it could never happen. We have no idea to predict if and when a birth mother will find our profile and feel like we are worthy candidates to raise her child. The concern the agency has with us being parents already may very well be what a birth mom finds attractive about us. They may see that we already love and care for two children and want their child to be a part of the love that is in this family. This is my prayer right now. That what may seem like a downfall on our part, God will actually use to give conformation to a birth mother looking for a family for her child.

It's easy to see how Satan could have used this situation to try to put a damper on our adoption plans. He doesn't like what we are doing. He would prefer for us to stay comfortable in our own surroundings and never step out of our comfort zone for the sake of the Kingdom. And trust me, this whole process is way out of my comfort zone. I got to thinking today, "Wouldn't it be so much easier to just have our own biological children.  No one will be there judging us, telling us we aren't good enough. We don't have to worry about proving that we can provide a great life for them." Yes, it would be EASIER, but I don't think that God always calls us to take the easy path. He placed a desire for adoption in Rem's and my heart for a reason. I don't exactly know what that reason is right this second. My hope is that it is to bring a child up to know and love Him, who otherwise, may not have had that chance. Maybe He will use this situation to grow our trust and faith in Him. Maybe He wants to teach us about patience. Maybe it's learning to let Him provide for all of our needs (because Lord knows we can't do this on our own). I don't know how He will work in this situation but I do know that the only thing we can do right now is trust that He knows what the future holds. I have to keep reminding myself of that when the voice of the enemy tries to creep in, telling me that the agency will find some reason why we aren't fit to parent. That no birth mother will choose our family to love her child. I know these are lies that Satan is trying to use to stop us from pursuing this and I won't let it happen.

The verse that keeps coming to my mind is Ephesians 3:20 "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." There's the truth in writing. He can accomplish things we cannot even fathom thinking about. There is absolutely no way we can accomplish this using our own power, will, and resources. We have to be completely dependent on Him to provide the resources and circumstances to make this happen.

I know he has a plan for this family and I have to trust in his plan and timing. It may not be my plan or my timeline, but I have to keep reminding myself that my plan and my timeline will not yield the best outcome.

Our next step is to meet the people who work in the agency in person so they get a better feel of how we can facilitate their ministry. If everything goes well, we will begin the mountain of paperwork needed to officially begin this process. This is also where some money will start coming into play. We have enough in savings to get us through the paperwork and home study process but it's up to God to provide for our needs from there. Thinking about this honestly almost has me in tears. It's scary to not know how we will do this. We literally have to be dependent on God, and God alone to do this for us. If you know me well at all, you know that when I get a plan in my head, I do everything in my own power and will to follow through and finish the plan. I have realized that in this situation, my own power and will aren't going to get me very far. Yes, I can power through the paperwork. Yes, I can make a profile book that I believe represents our family and the life we could provide a child. Yes, I can brainstorm ideas of how to get the funding we will need. But, with each of those things comes a component that I can't control. I can't control if the agency will approve our paperwork. I can't control if a birth mother will choose our profile. I can't control if people will feel God urging them to help fund our adoption. These will be the times when we have to completely surrender and say, "Not our will, but Yours be done."

Please continue to pray for this process and for God's will to be done every step of the way.