Progress

I have been trying to be patient in hearing from the agency since we filed our pre-application for adoption. I checked my email this morning and was a little sad to see there was nothing there. The day continued and I checked in a few more times and finally thought, "ok, it won't be today." Maybe God was already trying to teach me something about patience. I decided to check one more time before I made supper and there it was. The email I had been waiting for. I opened it up and began reading.

"Hi Laura, we just wanted to let you know we reviewed your pre-application and you have been approved." My thought was, "Great! One step down." Then I read the next line and my heart sank a little.

"Through our review, we only noticed one item of concern......."

Great. We just began and there is already a concern.

"Our only concern at this time is that you are already parenting two biological children. The only reason this causes concern is because it could lengthen your wait time. Most mothers we work with are looking to place their children with childless couples."

I'm not going to lie. I felt a little defeated before we even began. We already have something going against us that could potentially turn birth mothers away from us. That wasn't a good feeling.

Then her next line came.

"We don't want to discourage you from pursuing adoption, we just want to be very transparent about the time it could potentially take. We also know we can't predict the future or what plans the Lord has for your family."

This, friends, is the line I need to be focusing on. We don't know what the future holds. It could take six months, it could take four years, it could never happen. We have no idea to predict if and when a birth mother will find our profile and feel like we are worthy candidates to raise her child. The concern the agency has with us being parents already may very well be what a birth mom finds attractive about us. They may see that we already love and care for two children and want their child to be a part of the love that is in this family. This is my prayer right now. That what may seem like a downfall on our part, God will actually use to give conformation to a birth mother looking for a family for her child.

It's easy to see how Satan could have used this situation to try to put a damper on our adoption plans. He doesn't like what we are doing. He would prefer for us to stay comfortable in our own surroundings and never step out of our comfort zone for the sake of the Kingdom. And trust me, this whole process is way out of my comfort zone. I got to thinking today, "Wouldn't it be so much easier to just have our own biological children.  No one will be there judging us, telling us we aren't good enough. We don't have to worry about proving that we can provide a great life for them." Yes, it would be EASIER, but I don't think that God always calls us to take the easy path. He placed a desire for adoption in Rem's and my heart for a reason. I don't exactly know what that reason is right this second. My hope is that it is to bring a child up to know and love Him, who otherwise, may not have had that chance. Maybe He will use this situation to grow our trust and faith in Him. Maybe He wants to teach us about patience. Maybe it's learning to let Him provide for all of our needs (because Lord knows we can't do this on our own). I don't know how He will work in this situation but I do know that the only thing we can do right now is trust that He knows what the future holds. I have to keep reminding myself of that when the voice of the enemy tries to creep in, telling me that the agency will find some reason why we aren't fit to parent. That no birth mother will choose our family to love her child. I know these are lies that Satan is trying to use to stop us from pursuing this and I won't let it happen.

The verse that keeps coming to my mind is Ephesians 3:20 "Now all glory to God, who is able, through his mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think." There's the truth in writing. He can accomplish things we cannot even fathom thinking about. There is absolutely no way we can accomplish this using our own power, will, and resources. We have to be completely dependent on Him to provide the resources and circumstances to make this happen.

I know he has a plan for this family and I have to trust in his plan and timing. It may not be my plan or my timeline, but I have to keep reminding myself that my plan and my timeline will not yield the best outcome.

Our next step is to meet the people who work in the agency in person so they get a better feel of how we can facilitate their ministry. If everything goes well, we will begin the mountain of paperwork needed to officially begin this process. This is also where some money will start coming into play. We have enough in savings to get us through the paperwork and home study process but it's up to God to provide for our needs from there. Thinking about this honestly almost has me in tears. It's scary to not know how we will do this. We literally have to be dependent on God, and God alone to do this for us. If you know me well at all, you know that when I get a plan in my head, I do everything in my own power and will to follow through and finish the plan. I have realized that in this situation, my own power and will aren't going to get me very far. Yes, I can power through the paperwork. Yes, I can make a profile book that I believe represents our family and the life we could provide a child. Yes, I can brainstorm ideas of how to get the funding we will need. But, with each of those things comes a component that I can't control. I can't control if the agency will approve our paperwork. I can't control if a birth mother will choose our profile. I can't control if people will feel God urging them to help fund our adoption. These will be the times when we have to completely surrender and say, "Not our will, but Yours be done."

Please continue to pray for this process and for God's will to be done every step of the way.

Welcome to Our Journey

As you may or may not know, Rem and I have been considering adoption for some time now. We have always felt like God called us to be parents to our biological children, but also parents to an adopted child (or children, we don't know what the future holds). We have discussed that we are ready for our family to grow and have actually been throwing around the idea of having another biological child in the next year or so. I believe God has other plans for us, though. He used a high school friend of mine to affirm that now is the time for us to adopt. She has been sharing her stories of adopting two sweet little girls on her blog and in my heart, I know now is the time for us to begin the process of adoption. I brought it up to Rem and his response was, "I honestly don't see ANY reason why we shouldn't adopt now." So here we are, saying "God, we're ready to fulfill this call on our lives." It's pretty scary, not knowing what to expect and knowing this could be one of the most difficult things we have gone through this far in our marriage. As hard as we know it will be, we also know that the reward is great for those who obey God's call! We wanted to let our friends and family in on this journey with us because we know that the more people we have praying for us, the better!

 We had started researching an agency in St. Louis that we found online and were immediately drawn to it, but didn't know much about it. We emailed them and got an information packet and were very impressed with their view on adoption and I talked to a woman at the agency who was super sweet! Things were looking positive but I was still wanting some confirmation that this was the path we should take. I had put something on Facebook asking if anyone knew of anyone who had adopted in our area and if they could get them in contact with us. God worked quick and used a friend in our church to get us in contact with a couple who had been through the adoption process. I got in contact with her last night and asked what agency they had used and was almost shocked when she told me it was Bethany Christian Services, which is the agency we were initially drawn to. She highly recommended it and so I took that as confirmation that we should pursue adoption using this route. Last night, I submitted our preliminary application and talked to the agency today and they said we should be hearing from them today or tomorrow to see if we are a good candidate for their agency (the woman I talked with this morning had already looked over our application and said she saw no reason why we wouldn't be approved). If we are, we will submit a formal application for adoption. If we are approved, we will then have to attend a ten hour educational seminar and complete a home study before we can create a profile and be put on the waiting list at the agency. Yes, there are a lot of steps. It all seems very overwhelming to even type it out but we know God already knows the ending to our adoption journey, so there is no use getting overwhelmed by it. The biggest hurdle we will have to overcome, by far, is the financial aspect of adoption. We are praying that God will give us the right avenues to pursue so that we will be able to afford the adoption process. This too is a little scary for us. If we get approved we have to come up with close to $10,000 in a short period of time to cover our application, home study, and get us on the waiting list. Once we get matched with a birth mom and a baby is placed with us, we have to come up with $13,000 plus attorney's fees to be able to bring our baby home. This is the number one reason we have put off adopting for so long. It's overwhelming that we would have to pay close to what Rem brings home in one year being a youth pastor to get our baby. Yes, it would be MUCH easier and cheaper to have our own biological child but we believe God is calling our family to adoption. This is why we are no longer scared to start the process. We know God will provide the necessary resources in the right timeline for us to be able to move forward with the process each step of the way.

We are just beginning our journey but we invite you to come along side us, wherever this journey may take us. We don't know how long this journey will take or what the final result will be but we know someone who does. We are trusting that He will guide us every step of the way and place people in our lives to help us when we need it the most. Right now, we are asking above anything else, for prayers. Please be praying for us to be approved to become clients of this agency. Pray for the heart of our birth mom, whomever she is. She may not even be pregnant yet. We don't know whom God will choose to birth our child but we want to be praying for her already. Pray for our baby. He or She may not even be conceived yet, but God already knows him/her! Pray that we will be able to come up with the necessary monetary resources that we need to be able to go through this process. Pray for our hearts to be prepared for this journey. We have no idea what to expect but we are ready. Pray that our formal application and home study will be approved and there will be no hang ups in the process. Most importantly, pray for us in any way you feel God calling you to pray for us!

We will be needing lots of prayers and support in the upcoming months ahead as we begin this journey so I will be keeping everyone updated on the progress and in what ways they can specifically be praying. We appreciate everyone taking time to read about our journey and pray for us!

Cloth Diaper Styles and Brands

I FINALLY figured out how to film and upload a video to make all this information a little easier to understand. This video is just showing the different styles and brands of cloth diapers that I own and the things I like and dislike about each style/brand. Hope it helps in your decision making process of if diapers are right for you and what style/brand would fit your lifestyle the best! Here's the link! And for some reason, when you click the link, it starts the video a few seconds in, so you will just have to slide the button to the left so it starts at the beginning. I'm obviously lacking in the technological skills to make everything work the way I want it to!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TOqnFie0FdA

Cloth Diaper Convert

When I first became a mom, I didn't give cloth diapering a thought other than, "I will NEVER be a cloth diapering mom. It's just plain nasty to rinse poop out of a diaper!" It seems like when Gavin was born, cloth diapering was just beginning to gain popularity and I didn't know many people who were doing it. I used disposables with Gavin until he was potty trained and didn't think a thing of it. When Owen was born, Gav was still in disposable diapers and so I just started Owen in disposables too. My friend, Erin, had twin boys a few months before Owen was born and so I was seeing photos of them on Facebook in their adorable cloth diapers and it peaked my interest. I still wasn't sold on washing poop out of diapers and so I kept on using disposables. I would say that I'm a pretty "crunchy hippy mama" by today's standards. I had water births, breastfed both boys for over a year, homemade my own baby food, I'm pretty particular when it comes to what I put on their skin and what they eat, and I try to just live as "naturally" as possible. I knew cloth diapering was right up my "crunchy" alley, but wasn't sure I was ready for what I thought was going to be a huge commitment. I contemplated switching to cloth diapers for over a year before I finally decided to just jump in head first. I think my biggest hang up when it came to actually committing to it was that I was afraid to spend the initial up front cost of cloth diapers and end up hating it (I now know that Cotton Babies, the company who makes Bum Genius, which we use, has a 30 day full money back guarantee. If you hate them, you send them back, unstained, for a full refund. Once I learned this, it took a lot of my initial fear out of spending the money to start cloth diapering). I finally decided to go all in on cloth when Owen was around 18 months old. Gavin had potty trained around 2 1/2 so I figured I probably still had about a year of Owen being in diapers and the cloth diapers would most definitely pay for themselves in that time period, not to mention using them on future kiddos. I ordered a set of twelve Bum Genius 4.0 diapers and got one for free so I had thirteen diapers to begin with. It wasn't a full stash, but again, I wasn't sure I was completely in this for the long haul so I didn't want to buy two dozen diapers and end up hating them. Once I ordered them, I wasn't quite prepared for them to arrive so soon. They literally got here overnight (I didn't know at the time, but Cotton Babies ships from St.Louis so they got here really quick!). I didn't have much time to think about it at all! From the time I decided to start cloth diapering to when I actually started was about a day and a half. I jumped in feet first! I had done a little research before hand about washing and caring for my diapers, so when they arrived, I washed them according to the prep instructions and slapped them on Owie's cute little bottom! It took a little bit to get used to how to fit them properly, because they are a bit bulkier than a disposable, but after about two weeks, it was all becoming a habit (and now, six months later, I could cloth diaper in my sleep!). There are so many misconceptions and questions when it comes to cloth diapering that I want to clear up and address in some future posts. I want other moms to know that it isn't as hard as you may believe and it can save a TON of money. There are MANY different styles of diapers and you are sure to find one that fits your needs and lifestyle the best! I absolutely LOVE my cloth diapers and can't imagine going back to disposables. I hope I can inspire some mom's or mom's-to-be to see that cloth diapering can be awesome!