I haven't written since we had our meetings with the adoption agencies last Monday. We met with two different agencies in St. Louis , one of which was kind of a last minute decision. I thought the worst that could happen would be that we would have something to compare our original choice to. I'm so thankful we decided to meet with the second agency, Christian Family Services , because it's who we've decided to partner with on this journey. They are a smaller agency and I feel like we will have a more one on one relationship with them as opposed to Bethany Christian Services, which has about 35-40 waiting families at a time. We really did like both agencies and see that they truly are in it for the glory of God, which was super important to us. We both just had a peace to go with the smaller agency and so we have spent the last week filling out pages and pages of paperwork and gathering all the supporting documents we need to file our application. The boys and I walked to the post office this morning to send it all off. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't just a little nervous. This is something we want so badly but we know we have no control over if our application gets approved or not. Right now, we are just putting it in God's hands and trusting that he already has the answer for us. Whether it's yes or no, we know it's all in his plan for our family. There have been many times already where I have gotten discouraged , thinking about everything that could possibly go wrong and I just have to keep turning to scripture, knowing that is where the truth lies. The Psalms have really been a source of comfort to me and I know they will continue to be during this whole process, no matter how short or long it is. Some favorites are Psalm 33:11, "For the Lord's plans stand firm forever, his intentions can never be shaken." Psalm 32:8, "The Lord says, "I will guide you along the best pathway for your life, I will advise you and watch over you." And Psalm 139:16, "You saw me before I was born. Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed." When I read these, it's plain to see that God already has it figured out. Nothing that happens will be by coincidence . It's all a part of the plan he has had for us before we even stepped foot on this earth. That is such a comfort to know! I could sit and ponder all the different scenarios of what could go wrong or how long it could take but I have to rest in His promises that He has a plan for us, whether it turns out the way we want or not. All we can so is say, "We're here, willing to be used by You, in any way you see fit."
I feel like I have learned so much about not making my own plans and just knowing that God knows what's best for my life. The plans I had at eighteen are NO WHERE near what has actually happened in my life. If I had followed my own plans, I would be an elementary school teacher living in Leoti, Kansas. I would have gone to K-State and spent thousands of dollars on an education only to realize I want to be home with my babies. Rem and I would not be in Illinois if our wedding hadn't been called off. I can see clearly that every circumstance that I thought wouldn't turn out, has turned into exactly the life I am supposed to be living right at this very moment. I made a last minute decision to go to cosmetology school, so that I could be closer to Rem. I know there were many people who thought I was throwing my future away for a high school romance. It was hard for them to see the outcome of our situation, but God knew all along that we were supposed to be together for life. Then when our original wedding got called off twenty days before the ceremony, I thought my life was over. I questioned every decision I had ever made in our relationship and couldn't even wrap my mind around not being Rem's wife. It was literally the worst possible situation and I thought God had abandoned me. Little did I know, He had much bigger and better plans for us and I just wasn't willing to surrender to His plan. It took a life changing event for me to realize that I couldn't try to control every situation myself. I had plans for my life, none of which involved moving twelve hours away from everything I had ever known. But, God knew His plans were better than my plans. Looking back, I can clearly see how every situation has gotten us to where we are today. At the time, I couldn't see the big picture, but God could see it all along.
I feel like my past experiences have only served to show me that I can make plans, but God's plan will prevail. That gives me so much hope in this adoption journey. I can't see the outcome right now and I'm sure there will be times when it all seems like it's falling apart. I just have to remember that God has a much better plan than I could ever imagine. He hasn't abandoned me this far and he won't start now. No matter the outcome, we just have to trust that it's happening exactly how it's supposed to happen. And if it's not the way we had originally planned, HE IS STILL GOOD!
Please continue to pray for our journey!
No comments:
Post a Comment