*Preface: I in NO WAY think everyone needs to have a birth experience like this. I'm not writing this to make it seem like the way I do it is the way I think everyone needs to do it. I have chosen to birth like this with all three kids because of my own personal convictions and I find it's what works for me personally. My intent in writing this is to remember things for myself and to let others into our experience who weren't able to physically be here with us. I also find a lot of inspiration from reading other women's birth stories, so if I can bring some peace to a momma who is afraid of the birthing process, but wants to have a birthing experience like this, that's just a plus to writing this.
Here's the story of Miss Ellie's Birth
Like many new moms, when I got pregnant with Gavin, I began researching my options for how I wanted my birth experience to go. The office I decided to doctor at had midwives on staff who offered water birth and that intrigued me, so I decided to go that route. I've always thought of birth as a more natural experience than a "medical" one and the midwives shared my views so it seemed like a good fit. I went on to have my natural water birth with Gavin and it was a wonderful (note: wonderful does NOT mean it was easy by any means) experience and decided I would water birth with any additional babies I had. I learned new coping mechanisms with each of the boys births and learned what helped me through labor and what just didn't work. When I got pregnant with Ellie, I had in my mind that this would be the best birth experience yet because I had done it twice before and knew how to deal with the pain and that I could, in fact, do this and I wouldn't die. Trust me, each and every time, there comes a point in the labor process that I'm sure I'm just going to die and that it will NEVER END. I spent the last nine months preparing for her birth by watching water birth videos on youtube and reading birth stories. I find so much inspiration by seeing other moms doing exactly what I would be doing and seeing that they too hit a point where they wanted to give up, but kept on going to reach the end goal. I spent time reading articles about how to best cope with labor and finding tips on what helped other moms make it through labor without the use of pain medications. I viewed it as my "iron man" experience and knew preparing by doing these things would only help me in the process, even though I had done it twice before. Each time, I have to psych myself up again and "train" to be prepared for my baby's birthday. I compare it to Rem having to train for his triathlon races. He wouldn't be as effective if he didn't prepare in the months leading up to the race. If he came into race day thinking he could perform his best without training and preparing, he would just be fooling himself. Now, I DO NOT train for athletic races. In fact, I hate running. I hate the discomfort of running and just find it miserable. I DO NOT like being physically uncomfortable. So for me to want to birth naturally isn't in my usual personality. I am, however, really stubborn and when I mentally put my mind to something or say I'm going to do something a certain way, I'll do everything in my power to follow through. If I make a plan, I like to stick with that plan. Knowing that I have told myself and others who are close to me that I will birth a certain way helps me when I get into the hard labor. It's definitely a physical challenge, don't get me wrong. But, it's also a mental challenge. It's telling myself with every contraction, that this isn't going to last forever and that this HAS to happen to meet my baby. Knowing that I get the best "prize" when it's over, makes all the pain worth it in the end. This isn't to say I don't struggle and want to give up at times, because I do. Very much so. Every time, the tears come and I say I can't handle it any longer. Ellie's birth story didn't start out the way I had imagined or planned and there were some bumps in the road, but God was faithful and everything worked out just how I had wanted it to in the end.
Rem's alarm went off around 6:30 Tuesday morning and it woke me up. He got up to get dressed and I still laid half asleep in bed. I felt some pressure and remembered what it felt like when my water was about to break with Gavin, and instantly thought "there's NO WAY this is happening. I'm still sixteen days away from my due date." I felt a small pop and yelled at Rem, "Hey babe, I'm pretty sure my water is breaking." He yelled back, "Are you sure?" and then I felt the big gush. Yep, I was pretty positive. With Gavin, contractions started right away after my water broke and so I just expected it to go that way again. I got up and we started getting things around to go to the hospital. It took about an hour to get everything around and have CJ come over to be with the boys and I had only had a few contractions that I barely felt. I instantly knew this was going to be different than my birth experience with Gav. We got to the hospital around 8 a.m. and I obviously wasn't in a steady labor pattern at all. Contractions weren't at all regular and were very very mild. The nurses monitored me for a while and started antibiotics because I was Group B Strep positive. They knew I had planned a natural water birth and so they were very supportive in wanting to help me get labor started on it's own. They let us go outside and walk around to try to encourage contractions to come more regularly. When we got back inside, I tried pumping to try to stimulate my body to make some oxytocin and get things going. Well that worked almost too well. When I was pumping, my contractions were coming really close together and Ellie wasn't liking it so we discontinued that method. Noon came and my water had been ruptured for 6 1/2 hours and my midwife came in and said that she would give me until about three or four to see if my body would kick into an active labor pattern on it's own but if not we would probably have to start pitocin to get things going. She left and I instantly broke down into tears because this had never happened before and it was NOT something that was in my birth plan. And quite honestly, I was very very nervous. Pitocin has always been a dirty word to me. I had heard horror stories of pitocin labors. I knew I could handle natural labor. I wasn't sure I could handle labor augmented by pitocin. My awesome nurse came in and was super encouraging. She said we would start out at the absolute lowest dose and see how my body responded to it before having to up the dose. She gave me more peace about the process but I was still really scared. Three o'clock came and went and my labor just wouldn't start on it's own so around four, they hooked me up to the pit drip and thus began my journey of conquering one of my biggest fears. The contractions began picking up but were still very manageable for me. I worked through a couple hours of contractions and they upped my pit dose a little to encourage stronger contractions. They checked me after a couple hours on pit and I was still only at a 3 so they upped it even more. I was so discouraged and thought "this isn't going to work and I'm going to end up in a c-section." I had to mentally fight myself so much to stay positive and trust in the process. Over the next couple hours they continued to up my pitocin until we reached the max dose. I saw the 5ml/hr on the IV pole monitor and I was terrified. I was on the max dose of pitocin and didn't know how things would end up. My body began to respond to the pitocin well and my labor began to pick up into an active labor pattern. Contractions were getting harder to work through and so I knew it was working. I kept reminding myself that this is what we had been praying for all day. That the pain was a blessing and that it meant that things were progressing and working. I had read that listing to Christian music helped a lot of women through labor and so I put my ear phones in and focused on the words of the songs instead of focusing on the pain in my contractions. I cannot tell you how much this helped me get through this labor. I honestly think it would have been SO MUCH harder had I not been listening to the music throughout the process. My mom text me around eleven p.m. and asked if I was finally progressing. I text back "6-7 cm. Getting intense."At this point, I had just found out that I could still have the water birth I had planned and so that gave me a lot of encouragement. They began the process of filling the tub and knowing what that meant, got me through the next hard contractions. By eleven thirty I knew I was entering transitional labor. I could tell because I finally didn't want Rem to leave my side through contractions. I was starting to get the "I can't do this" thoughts and kept telling myself that that meant baby would likely be here soon. They got the tub filled by midnight and took me off my pit drip and let me get in the water. Once I got in the water, I had several really challenging contractions in the tub. I mentally fought myself with the "I can't do this" thoughts and then when the contraction was over, I would come back into reality and remind myself "This means it's almost over." I had been listening to the same Hillsong United song over and over throughout transitional labor and it was so so so helpful in taking my mind off the pain as much as possible. When the contractions would come, I would try my hardest to just focus on the lyrics and the truth that was being spoken to me, rather than focusing on the pain. Yes, it was still VERY VERY painful, but there was something rhythmic and comforting for me about the music. The water and music relaxed me enough that I quickly dilated to complete and felt my body wanting to push baby out. For me, this is always the most challenging part. I fought the pain of pushing so bad with both boys but this time, I knew that pushing through that pain would end all the pain soon and I wanted it OVER. I pushed with the next several contractions and could feel that she was really making quick progress and that she would be here soon and that gave me encouragement to keep on going. Once her head delivered, I knew I only had one or two more contractions until it was over and I was SO relieved. There's something about doing it for the third time. You find confidence in the process and know what to expect and so you can use that as encouragement when you feel like giving up. I had to keep saying in my mind, "This means baby's almost here. This means baby's almost here." She came into the world at 12:42 a.m., about four hours after active labor started. She was my quickest delivery yet, and surprisingly labor didn't seem any harder than it was with the boys. That was my biggest fear with the pitocin. I was so afraid that I wouldn't be able to cope with the contractions but God was faithful and got me through it all. Aside from the pitocin, it went exactly how I had envisioned in my mind and I couldn't have asked for a better birthing experience. I came out of it knowing I had conquered one of my biggest fears with a pitocin induced labor and felt really confident and strong. It was such an amazing experience listening to the music and being able to be filled with God's truth while I was going through one of the most challenging times of my life. It calmed my fear and put my focus on something else besides the pain. Yes, the pain was still there, but it wasn't the only thing I was focusing on and so it helped to dull it just enough to get me through. I cannot stress enough my thankfulness for my amazing midwife and nurses who knew my wishes for this birth and helped me accomplish that to the best of their abilities. I am SO THANKFUL for this hospital and birth team for supporting women who want experiences like this. I know it's not something that would be "allowed" in a LOT of hospitals but they are SO amazing about supporting all women's choices here and I know God placed me here for all three of my kids births for a reason. All in all, it was a great experience and one I will treasure forever! I'm going to share the birth story in photos. *Note: they are NOT graphic in any way. If you can't handle a bare pregnant belly, you can avert your eyes but that's about as graphic as it gets. I know Ellie's nana is waiting for these photos but if they make you uncomfortable, my apologies. You get to see a lot of mixed facial expressions from me, but that's about it. Like I said, I know not everyone is comfortable with sharing photos of their birth story, but I find something beautiful about the whole experience. So if you are one of those people who thinks I'm a total weirdo, I'm sorry =). If you love birth story photos as much as I do, enjoy! They aren't professional but I think they still tell the story well =).
You can see the clock in the background. This was when i found out I would be getting pitocin. Don't let the smile fool you. I was terrified. It was pretty slow going for several hours still.
Active labor was finally hitting me. I was trying to remind myself that this is what I had wanted to happen all day long.
I had had several strong transitional labor contractions out of the water and was SO relieved when the took me off the pitocin and let me get in the water. You can see my awesome midwife in the background smiling. She was SO supportive through the whole process.
Relaxing in the tub listening to music
Trying to find rest between the pain
I couldn't do it without him by my side. Not sure if he was feeling as overwhelmed as me or what?
It was HARD work, but I knew we were getting close.
I always find it funny how at peace I look between contractions. If you could see a picture of my brain, it would not match my body language.
He's a pro the third time around.
Pretty sure I just told Rem, "I CAN NOT do this anymore."
I knew we were close and just wanted it to END.
You can see Liz, my midwife whispering encouragement in my ear. She kept telling me, "You know this means baby will be here soon. Just keep pushing through the pain." She just sat back and let me listen to my body to get baby here.
SO. CLOSE.
And sweet, sweet relief. My headphones kind of ruin the photo but I couldn't have done it without the music constantly playing.
Meeting our sweet girl for the first time.
So stinking happy that it was finally over and she was here!
I'm pretty sure I was telling Rem, "I'm SO glad that it's OVER."
Daddy's face when we saw she was a girl!
Relaxing and getting to know each other.
I was in disbelief for a while that she was a girl. But totally over the moon and in love!
We did it!
My smallest baby yet.
Such a sweet sweet blessing.
